Day 28 (October 4, 2010)

What do you do when you your ex who you may or may be falling in love with and who you may or may not be talking to again moves to LA for three months?

Simple, really.

First, you should have a panic attack right before the flight takes off while driving down 2^nd Street in Edmond. Then you should agree to go on a date with a much older and much more divorced man in order to get your mind off of things.

I really have no idea what is going on with The Hottie. Yes, we had the big serious talk last week. Yes, we’ve talked every day but one since then, but I’m dealing with a really sticky situation. I’m putting my heart on the line in hopes that he will take action, decide to end things and break up with his girlfriend. No matter what feelings we’ve talked about having for one another, if that puzzle piece is still missing there are no guarantees. I feel like I’m being absolutely as realistic as possible, given that I’m an emotional disaster.

So I decided to go out with Chris. I mean, he was interested, I was interested and (frankly) I was running out of days. Why else would I join a dating site if I weren’t interested in dating? No, I didn’t think I’d find the love of my life there, but at least I would have made things a bit more interesting. As an added benefit, I reckoned I would get my mind off of The Ex and The Hottie…I was at least successful at one of the two. Maybe I’d meet someone cool, or great, or even amazing. I’m a skeptic, but who knows.

The thing is…I am absolutely more nervous about this date than the others. If the others sucked (as that one did), I just had to get through a couple of hours of niceties/torture and it would be over. If I fell for them, then that would be great. With the others I was worried that things would go badly. With this one, I’m nervous that it will go very, very well. There are some big issues here that I’m not used to dealing with. The age is a factor, but I’m terrified about the divorced part. I will have to know more without being pushy about it. I’m scared that if I develop feelings for this guy and later find out some of the reasons they were divorced, I would be in a situation where I may want to be with someone but know that I never really could.

At least I can stress about something else other than The Hottie In LA. I’m changing his name so that I can remember the truth.