EWWWW

I forgot how disgusting my apartment is in the summer.

You see, I live on the first floor in a very old house. Last summer, when I moved in, I had to deal with lots of bugs (including a fly infestation in my bathroom which was traumatizing).

Daddy long legs, cockroaches, water beatles (look just like cockroaches, only wider), flies &....the Mack Daddy...spider crickets.

I've told some of you about spider crickets (google image search with caution), but these things are FREAKING SCARY. I honestly didn't know what they were (thought spider cricket was a made up name). Are they spiders? Are they crickets? CAN THEY KILL ME? They are big and fat and have looooong spider-y legs.....and they jump really really high. I'm terrified of spiders, & these things jump. One of the most terrifying creatures I've ever encountered.

Tonight, while trying to fall asleep, I reached over my nightstand to turn off the light. SPIDER CRICKET LESS THAN A FOOT AWAY. I squeeled, jumped, shivered, then ran to get killing device (& camera). See list below for more info.

In the 15 seconds it took to get my weapon & my camera, the sucker moved onto the fabric/side of the table. Do you see it?! I know, the black fabric makes it difficult.

They're really difficult to destroy, but I've figured out a solution: September Vogue. Has anyone seen The September Issue? If you have, then you know that September is the beginning of fashion season, so September is always a big issue...more than an inch thick. How useful.

How to Kill a Spider Cricket

1. Position yourself atop nearby furniture (bed, chair, bookcase...). Give yourself some height and protection from this devil creature.
2. Drop September Vogue on creepy crawly.
3. Jump on magazine, just to be safe.
4. Walk around the magazine for 2-3 days, pretending like it's not there with a bug squished between it and the floor.
5. Muster up the nerve to move the magazine.
6. Rip off the back 2-3 pages & discard.
7. Clean floor with bleach, etc.

Works like a charm every time. However, I'm such an expert now that my September Vogue is missing a good 30+ pages. Still worth it. In this case I first used the magazine to brush the spider cricket onto the floor so that (a) I wouldn't miss (b) I wouldn't break/ruin my fragile nightstand (c) I could properly follow through on Step #4 of How to Kill a Spider Cricket.

I really do not want to live another summer in this apartment, as much as I love it :o/

P.S. Sorry if you think all creatures are nature's gift or something like that. If a bug (read: not top of the food chain) enters my residence (read: top of the food chain/more resourceful/bigger), if will probably die. Some live & are just displaced outside, but most die.

That magazine ain't goin' nowhere for at least 48 hours. Thanks, Charlize!