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Back in Oklahoma, I was
sad. I didn’t want The Hottie to leave…and I didn’t want to lose something I
never really had. I called him to say goodbye, we small-talked for a few
minutes, then moped around most of the night wishing I could either get over
him or be with him.
I’d hope that I could
maybe start to feel nothing for him. Honestly, that would be easier. I figure I
could either spend the next three months being single and hoping that things
would work out between The Hottie and I, but that depended on so many things
going the right way for me. First, he would have to come back and not stay
there. He’d also have to dump his girlfriend, follow through on he and I, not
manage to piss me off in the process, and I couldn’t be talking to or dating
anyone when he got back. Odds aren’t in my favor, but maybe it’s worth the
gamble.
Or, I could do whatever
and try to forget about him. I could date (or not) and focus on how to ensure
my happiness with or without him.
At the end of the night,
I was emotionally exhausted and completely confused. I knew what I wanted, but
I didn’t know what I wanted to do given what I had (read that again…kind of confusing).
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