Sunday, May 3, 2009

Less than two weeks away...

OK, so this is definitely procrastination (but only in the sense that what I am doing was to get ahead)...but anyway.

So I will be a college grad in less than two weeks. Saying it, thinking about it, talking about it...makes me very nervous and overwhelmed. I can't stop the clock, so here it is. College went by way too fast. I kept myself way too busy and did way too much just in order to graduate in four years with a double major. There was never enough time for my friends or myself, and now I'm sad about that. Everyone keeps saying "You're done! You're done!," but I'm not. I WILL go back to school to get my master's degree. But that's not the same...I will be working and going to school. I won't be able to get away with just NOT GIVING A CRAP one week. I won't have the support of my friends in the way that they're going through the exact same things. I'll be one of the ones who went back for some unknown reason (I know the reasons, but nonetheless).

My classes are nuts, but after this week I'll have no more classes in French or in International Studies. Just so we're keeping track, I have been taking French on a continual basis for eight years now. That's almost a decade of my life. That's more than a third of my life. I write better in French than I do in English because I do that more often. I mispell words in English because their French counterpart has two consonants instead of one (Ex: literature and litterature) or a vowel change (Ex: exemple and example) and I form the most part of the sentences that I say in English as I would if I were writing/saying them in French. I think in French, and I translate in French. This was a much longer tangent than I intended, but I HAVE to find a job where I need to speak French everyday because it's a part of me, and I love it. Last semester, I convinced Thad to take International Law with me (it was really really really hard, and Thad regretted taking on such a difficult class, even though he did really well in it). I wrote the notes in French most days just because I was thinking about them in French anyway. Thad didn't like this, because I was the sole note-taker, but I always (everyday!!) typed them up later...and in English. But it's not just the French thing I'm freaking out about. I'm a good student. I LIKE being a student. I like (most of) my classes. I don't know if I will be a good [insert future job here] that loves to go to work everyday.

I have been trying to do things to get my mind off of graduating. Studying doesn't count because it is directly related to graduation. Mostly, I have been designing (not just decorating) my future bedroom that I am moving into in a month (with all of the money I don't yet have). My mom was really nice and bought me a dresser, which I find to be fantastic and I love it.

There will be more updates on the room design as they progress.

And, I am still only sleeping four hours a night, but I am taking an afternoon nap for about an hour everyday also when I feel like I am going to collapse. Right now it's 10:00. I have been awake since about 7:30, but I layed in bed until about 8:00. I went to bed well after 4:00. I have never been like this before, so it's still a little weird. For example, the other night I started to freak out because it was 5:?? and I could notice that the sun would soon be rising. Have no fear, I was up and out of bed at about 9:00 to get stuff done. I know it's my medicine and I am always go-go-go and I am talking really fast and my brain won't slow down...but for now it's nice to not have to worry about getting 11 or-so hours of sleep a night so that I can be half-way productive the next day.

Other benefit of endless energy: I read 140 pages Wednesday night in an hour. Two things are odd about this. I didn't start reading until about 8:45 (typically impossible for me to do any reading after 8:00 pm because I will fall asleep). Drake was over so there was more potential for distraction than usual (Thad <3).>
This was a really long post, but I've been really long winded the last week or so.
A plus tard...

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