Day 26 (October 2, 2010)

BOOMER SOONER!!!! TEXAS SUCKS!!! No worries about boys today. I was drunk, in oblivion from the win, and enjoying my early- to mid-twenties with my awesome friends. I also looked like I hadn’t slept in months and that I had been binge drinking for days. I told Chris we would have to make plans for after the weekend…I didn’t want to set any first impression with any guy looking like that!!

Day 25 (October 1, 2010)

The Friday of OU/TX!! Over the past week or so I’ve only been on match.com once a day to check my emails and browse quickly. I’ve been so busy and so confused about Pete/The Hottie/what the hell I’m doing that I haven’t really wanted to make anything more complicated.

The plan for this weekend was to hang out with friends Friday, meet up with The Hottie in the West End, and watch the game with a big group of friends on Saturday.

I checked into my email on match that morning, and had another message from the “deal-breaker” guy (go back to Day 20), whose name is Chris. He mentioned that if I wanted we could meet up Saturday night after the game in Dallas (we had already hashed out that we would both be in Dallas for the game). He gave me his phone number in case I was interested. 

Figuring I had nothing to lose, I texted him my number. We texted back and forth that afternoon while we were both at work and throughout the drive there.

Though we got on the road later than expected, Kirsten, Preston and I got to Dallas around 7:00, checked into our hotel and went to dinner at Hacienda (yummo queso blanco).

Considering we had an hour-long wait for a table, I checked facebook on my phone. The Hottie’s status came up: “Dallas is a no-go. Decided to stay here for my last weekend in OK.” My heart sank, and I was angry. I sent him a snarky-but-not-too-bitchy text about not coming so that I would feel better about not getting to see him again. Then, I decided to just have a great time with my friends.

Day 24 (September 30, 2010)

Seeing how The Hottie is a magician, I’ve tried to disengage today. I felt like it was the right thing to do and to keep me level-headed.

Oh…I hadn’t mentioned the magician part? Hmmm. How should I explain this?

Maybe a wizard is a better term.

Let’s work on the terminology.

He can turn an overly rational Type-A young woman into a swooning, emotional and irrational girl. (Magic qualities).

He is unrealistically “too good to be true.”

He makes this one overly critical girl experience the closest thing to love-at-first-sight.

He can disappear and reappear into your life at the most unexpected times.

How I see it is that there must be some sort of spell involved because I can’t seem to get enough of his delicious elixir, even when he mixes it up and it becomes bitter tasting and harsh.

I absolutely realize that I am putting my emotional well-being on the line, that I could end up very, very hurt and  that I am making the most irrational decision I possible could (unless I were to get back together with The Ex on a cold day in hell….that would be more irrational). I never considered that I was the “romantic” type, but I am with The Hottie.

Day 23 (September 29, 2010)

I woke up on The Hottie's floor after only 2 hours of sleep in a fog of a whiskey hangover. I grabbed my shoes and left, knowing I would need to get back home, change, fix my hair and makeup and be back on the road in about 30 minutes. On my way to the office, I called my mom and told her what happened. I was in a bad state of emotion after The Hottie and I’s conversation only a few hours prior. My feelings for him were definite and in full swing. My hopes were up that he would leave his girlfriend and realize what he’d been missing with me. I kept trying to hold back, but there was nothing he said or did that set off a red flag to be cautious and not get attached. The chemistry between has always been strong, but now it was undeniably strong. The guilt of having this relationship with someone and having them in a cheating position made me feel horrible, but I felt like it was the absolute right thing for me to do. My feelings for him were stronger than ever. But, I knew what I wanted and I was willing to wait a little bit. I wanted him. I’d wanted him since the night we met. I was only scared that the situation wouldn’t be “too good,” but “too good to be true” and I’d end up hurt. Again.

The hangover was miserable at work…bad enough not to be able to finish my breakfast. After a 9:00 meeting, I left the office to go work at home in sweatpants with a blanket and a tall glass of water. Withing 5 minutes of me walking in the door, I got a text from The Hottie: “Hows work?? How are you feeling? :/”

He was thinking about me.

Nothing else very interesting today happened. I texted back and forth with The Hottie until bedtime (at 8:30 because I was so exhausted). Got an email from David wanting to check in (which I ignored…I didn’t join a match.com to make friends). Still no conversation with Pete (I’m ridiculously blasé about this…maybe I’m not all that interested as I thought I was…).

Day 22 (September 28, 2010)

Considering I’ve completely devoted myself to the entire subscription financially and bloggishly (awesome word choice there, graduate school student), I figure I should also be honest about how I’m feeling about the whole thing.

First, I’ve come to the realization that unless I am absolutely enamored with someone, being in a relationship is not worth my time and energy. Being with someone that I’m only feeling 80 percent of the time (not literally, dirty minds) is not worth cutting into my wonderful life and my time with my wonderful friends who have been such a strong support to get me back on my feet.

I always knew that “safe” relationships weren’t my thing. I knew I wouldn’t want to settle for anything less than incredible and passionate and punch-drunk love. This is part of the reason why I am so picky…I don’t think there’s anything wrong with putting it out there that I am not looking for a casual relationship but that I am seeking a partner for the rest of my life. I don’t want to rush a relationship at all, but I’m not interested in sharing my life with someone who I feel is only temporary situation.

Maybe I don’t need this match.com thing. Maybe I don’t want a straightforward and safe approach to dating. Yes, the platform has its benefits, such as the “what you see is what you get” survey questions to weed out any deal-breakers. Seeing Pete is nice and all, but I don’t see it being a forever sort of relationship (given that he reappears in the picture) at this point in time and I don’t want to waste my time trying to see a glimmer of hope. I’m usually a very good judge about how I feel about people. Initial impressions are nearly impossible to correct if they’re bad. (note: I know this may not be the best outlook, but that is how I am and I’ve come to terms with the reality of the situation, though I see the weaknesses in this approach….grad school bleeding through my writing again...must explain everything in full detail!!!)

I also haven’t felt right seeing Pete when my mind has been on The Hottie leaving for LA this weekend. We’d been maintaining contact over the last month or so after a cooling-off period for me when he got in this new relationship. I knew we both wanted to see each other one last time before he left forever.

I had left a watch and necklace at his house back from when we were dating. One way or another, I wanted the necklace back. We planned for me to drop by late tonight after finishing a paper to pick it up and say toodle-loo. No big deal right? Wrong. I could not seem to lock it up all day at work. My mind was on him and my emotions were running rampant. I knew it would be tough to see him. I knew it would harder to say good-bye, knowing it may be the last time I ever saw the guy I had fallen completely head over heels for.

More than anything, I was most frustrated that I was “that” girl. You know…the girl who could not get over this incredible guy…who broke my heart…who has a girlfriend…who is moving to LA in 5 days. Whenever I can’t put my mind over my heart, I know it’s real. My heart was winning this one.

I finished the paper at 8:59, freaked out for about 20 minutes or so knowing that I was about to go see him, then hopped in the car.

I stopped by his to pick up my necklace after touching up my tear-stained makeup at the McDonald’s a mile from his house. I didn’t see his car, but maybe it was in the garage. I rang the doorbell and waited for a good 2 minutes. His roommate Casey finally opened the door, said The Hottie wasn’t there and let me in. I called The Hottie, but he didn’t answer. Stood up. I was furious, but figured it may be for the best. Casey showed me where the necklace should be, I found it and I was on my merry way.

Two minutes later, The Hottie called me back. He said he didn’t expect me so soon and felt terrible that he missed me. He told me to come back in about 15 minutes, if I wanted, and he would be there. He really wanted to see me and I could tell he was worried he’d missed an opportunity to say good-bye. I told him I would run to the store and come back. He wanted to have a couple of people over, so I assumed that would force me to keep it casual.

Back at his house, he was opening up a bottle of Maker’s Mark and hanging out with another one of his roommates. Things were a little awkward, but 2 drinks and 20 minutes later everything was comfortable. We were having some good conversations and I couldn’t help but remember how easy things were between us. Nothing had changed. After a while he dropped a bombshell…the best bombshell I’d ever heard. He was only going to LA on a 3-month contract and could very likely come back to Oklahoma in January. It could be a permanent move, but for now it was temporary. This was great for my interest in him, but terrible for my desire to move on from him. I’d pick the former any day.

Between 4 people that night, we killed the entire bottle of Maker’s Mark. We were all sufficiently drunk (on a Tuesday) and I hadn’t slept but 3 hours the night before. We were all dancing and laughing. The Hottie and I were flirting and joking. He kept picking me up under my butt with his arms to hug me…something he always did that drove me the best kind of crazy. He liked doing this because I could then see eye-to-eye with him (he’s 6’4”) and because he had a thing for my bootie…a lot. It. Was. Awesome. Of course I still had feelings for him, and none of that was letting up at this point. I wanted to stay guarded and not get my hopes up, but they were there that something would happen.

About 4:00 in the morning, I was reasonably sober and exhausted, so I decided I would leave. The Hottie walked me downstairs, holding my hand. The next 20 minutes or so was a blur, but it went something like this. He was hugging me with his arms around the small of my back so that I would have to stay close and would have to arch my back to look at the adorable face, my arms were around his neck. Again, we stayed like this for 20 minutes. Conversation fog included the following.

Him: It was so good to see you.

Him: You are so damn sexy…and it’s confusing me about what I should do

Me: I have to be honest with you…I don’t want you to go.

Me I still have feelings for you, which is a problem. I’m “that” girl who fell for this amazing guy. He broke my heart, but the feelings didn’t go anywhere. He has a girlfriend. He’s moving to LA

Him: I feel like such an asshole.  I’m so thankful you don’t hate me for that shit I pulled this summer…I miss you. I’m sorry about this summer. I’m sorry about missing you earlier tonight. I’m sorry I’m leaving. I’m sorry about everything.

Him: I’m not worth it…I’ve messed with you too many times and you deserve better.

Me: You ARE worth it and I can’t just ignore how I feel about you. You make me think completely irrationally, but you are absolutely amazing…and I don’t want to see you go. What if I never see you again?

Him: You’ll see me again. I’ll be back in 3 months.

Me: Maybe you’ll be back.

Him: I’ll be back.

Him: Will you see me this weekend in Dallas?

Me: Of course.

Him: I don’t want you to go…I’m worried about you driving home. Promise you’ll text me when you get there.

Me: Okay, I promise.

Him: Promise!

Me: I promise.

Him: Okay…see ya Friday, hopefully.

(5 second pause)

Me: Bye, (Insert Name Here)

Now, this is really awkward to explain. The nature of conversation was…risky. He has a girlfriend, remember. Not my usual standard of ethical behavior. Amidst all of this conversation in the seemingly painful hugging embrace, somehow that "line" didn't cross. I could hear his heart beating and I wanted to fall asleep right then and there. Our hands were lingering, but never once did we kiss on the lips or move too far. We were close…too close…but that’s a line we knew better than to cross tonight. Honest to goodness, this was probably the most intimate and real conversations of my life. It felt like something out of a movie. It was also one of the most painful conversations I’ve ever had. I was going places in conversation with him that I never thought I would go. I felt like I was falling in love with a man in a relationship who was moving away in 5 days….and all I wanted to do was cry.

I didn’t drive home, but I didn’t sleep with him either. I was just too tired and I would have only gotten two hours of sleep anyway. I was sleeping on the floor and I could hear that he was as restless getting to sleep as I was.

Day 21 (September 27, 2010)

I honestly don’t know what is going with Pete. If I knew more, I would tell you. The last I spoke with him was Saturday while he was in class….and nothing since.

Part of this was also me being stubborn and wanting to have the upper hand. I was not going to text him back first when I had sent the last one. Whether or not you like it, dating is a game. It’s important that I felt in control of what was happening. And, honestly, it’s depressing not to get a reply back to your message. So what if he was in class all day Saturday? He didn’t text me back, and didn’t talk to me Sunday. And, I’m fine with holding out to make sure that I don’t become vulnerable or made a fool of.

The text conversation ended anti-climactically, and that was that. I think it’s a pretty big sign that I’m not even close to devastated about it. Honestly, I’m relieved that I didn’t have to tell some great guy that no matter how great he was I wasn’t interested and I couldn’t tell him why.

I knew why. He wasn’t The Ex, he wasn’t The Hottie, and he definitely wasn’t enough to make me forget about either of them. This is my sign with each guy I’ve talked to since the big break-up a year ago. If I still thought about The Ex just as much (and in particular when I was physically with some new guy), then it wouldn’t go anywhere. This was, in my opinion, why I fell so hard for The Hottie (besides the hotness and over-all fantastic qualities). If I didn’t 

Day 20 (September 26, 2010)

I can’t say that anything interesting at all has been happening in the online dating world. I’m still picky. I’m still talking to Pete. I’m still not interested in 99.9% of the breathing men on this planet.

I haven’t seen Pete in several days, but he and I have both had a ton going on. He took a weekend speed course this weekend and has had zero time for fun. I’ve basically been spending my time laying around and writing the first 10 pages of my term thesis paper (due Tuesday by 9 p.m.).

I did, however, send a reply message to the only attractive and normal person I’ve found on there in the last week. I sent it back, knowing that on his profile was a bombshell that I would normally consider to be a deal-breaker. Maybe I was bored, maybe I wanted something scary or a little exciting. Maybe I wanted something that wasn’t like any other guy I’d dated. Anyway, I broke the deal-breaker. Does that say something? I didn’t break a “looks” deal-breaker. I didn’t break a height breaker (even though that’s one I just can’t seem to get over….). I didn’t break a religion deal-breaker or an age deal-breaker or any other normal breaker.

So what was it that let go of that was so not like me?

Wait for it. He's divorced. Sometimes, I surprise myself. 

Day 19 (September 25, 2010)

It’s football time in Oklahoma!!!! Well, not really.  It’s away game time in Oklahoma. Pete was in class all weekend, so I really didn’t hear from him much. I got some good old fashioned me-time in and spent the whole day relaxing with Kirsten and Brad while watching football chez moi.

Day 18 (September 24, 2010)

Seeing as Pete was off work today to study and in class all night then all weekend, I knew I could enjoy some time with Kirsten and some other friends. We had a mini shopping spree, then went to Libby’s in Goldsby to see Preston’s cousin’s band play. We had great time, but by 4 a.m. I was pooped. Brad and I stayed at Tracy’s (with Tracy) and it was a lovely night all around.

Day 17 (September 23, 2010)

Nothing interesting going on with men, but I did talk to Kirsten about Pete.  I told her I liked him enough to see him, but that I didn’t think that I was crazy about him. I really feel like unless you are extraordinaly passionate about someone, it’s not really worth putting the energy into.  I lost interest in Grant, I lost interest in David, and I was quickly losing interest in Pete. Is this my fate with dating men casually? That I get interested quickly and lose interest just as quickly? I didn’t want to be that kind of girl. It’s a roller-coaster and it’s annoying to everyone involved (including myself).

I decided to wait things out with Pete.  I wanted to give him a chance if he was as into me as he seemed.  I thought that maybe I was just psyching myself out so that I wouldn’t get hurt (again)...maybe to protect myself. Whatever the case, I let myself focus on myself and friends for the upcoming weekend while Pete took care of some school stuff.

Day 16 (September 22, 2010)

I felt awful the next day, but I had to go to work. I had no energy, got not enough sleep and I was still coughing a lot. 

Pete and I continued texting throughout the day, but not as frequently as usual. To be honest, it was just the right amount, because he could get excessive. He told me he had a “blah” day at work too…but maybe it was just that his immune system was fighting off getting sick from kissing me.

Day 15 (September 21, 2010)

I realized that with all of business with Pete, getting sick, and being busier than I ever had been that I completely blew off Grant. I felt kind of bad, but figured it maybe wasn’t that big of a deal. I honestly don’t have time to write 20-minute emails everyday. He had wanted to meet up with me at the game (where I got sick), but I didn’t get the message until Sunday. Then I got sick. Then I got busy. He never responded, so I guess that’s that.

I went to work in the morning but left around 10:30. All the guys thought I sounded terrible and they didn’t want to get sick, so that ended up being a bigger motivator than how I felt to leave and go home. I obviously could not see or talk to any clients, so I went to bed.

Even though I wasn’t planning on seeing Pete today, he asked if we could go out for some coffee after class. I could have really used some tea (even though I was in sweats with hardly any makeup), so I agreed. I met him in Bricktown after class, got our warm beverages and walked around.

Pete made me feel very comfortable, except for one thing. Kissing in public.  I am not opposed to kissing when the mood is right, and I’ve definitely had my drunken street corner make out, but I am absolutely not into kissing fervently on the street corner when I’m sick (he didn’t care if he got sick, apparently) and sober. I didn’t know the best way to tell him this, but I did let him know we should find someplace (not around people) to sit down.

We sat, talked and kissed for about an hour or so…the conversation flowed, the kissing was still excessive (and I wasn’t ready for things to move beyond that either, so I needed to keep a check on myself), but he was clearly interested in me. I could tell that I wasn’t certain, though I did have some feelings for him.

Around 10:30, I told him that I had to go. He walked me to my car and off I went.

Day 14 (September 20, 2010)

Still sick, but on the rise!

In spite of all of my attempts to remain unsocial so that I could get better, Pete texted me after work, begging to see me. He wanted to know when he could take me out next, and if I would be better tomorrow.

I replied: I may be a little sick, but I should feel mostly ok. I have class until 9, but if you can wait, then I can see you after

Pete: :-)

Me: So I take it you don’t mind waiting?!

Pete: Of course not!

For now, I was off to bed and excited about seeing Pete after my long day tomorrow. Around 8:45, I got another text, asking if meeting at Starbuck’s downtown (half-way in between our places) would be fine, which I said yes.

Then I got a very eerie message.

Pete: You about to leave class soon? I’m going to take a quick shower and then head down…it’ll save me some time of getting ready in the morning :-)

Maybe it was too much Nyquil, but I was seriously confused. I literally thought PETE meant to send this class to some other girl and accidentally sent it to me instead. My head was hot and spinning for about 10 minutes or so. I didn’t know if I should ignore it. What was he doing?! Seeing me one night and another girl tonight? I was instantly jealous. Then I realized the problem: he thought we were meeting up tonight, but I thought we were meeting up tomorrow night.

We laughed it off. There was no way I was going to see him tonight (no makeup, hair in a wet bun, sweat pants, congestion, no way). Pete was busy tomorrow.

Day 13 (September 19, 2010)

Soooooo sick. Best part? Compassionate and flirty texts from the cute Latino boy I’m seeing allllll dayyyyy long.

Day 12 (September 18, 2010)

THINGS ARE ABOUT TO GET INTERESTING, FOLKS.

I headed down to Norman, for the third home game in a row, with a low-grade fever and swollen lymph nodes. Even though I mostly felt fine, I popped 2 Advil to kill the fever and got ready for a great day of Sooner football.

Pete and I texted all morning as I was out test-driving cars. He was planning to come down to Norman after the game to go out and I was looking forward to seeing him and introducing him to Kirsten.

Getting ready for the game, Kirsten, her dad and I ate lunch at Seven47 and enjoyed a Frozen Bull (Red Bull, vodka & strawberry slushy). We went to our friend’s tailgate and played a few rounds of flip cup. Before we knew it, it was game time!

The game was...hot. Very, very, very hot and sunny. I had only had the one drink and one beer, which I was thankful for, but felt like the sun was beating down on me. In the first quarter, I chugged an entire bottle of water and a Strawberry Lemon Chill to cool me down and soothe my sore throat. I felt sicker by the minute. Half-way through to the second quarter, I thought I would pass out or vomit if I stood for a minute longer. I went under the seats to fill up my water bottle, cool my arms and face down with water and sit for a while. I didn’t know if I would be able to last throughout the rest of the game and debated leaving, though I didn’t want to waste the money I had spent on my ticket.

During half-time, swarms of people flooded the concessions and bathrooms area. I tried to focus on what it would take to get me to feel better and stared at the ground. I happened to look up for a second and saw one of The Hottie’s friends…one with whom he shared season tickets. I kept my head up only slightly, and there he was. I breathed deeply and looked away. He was just as handsome as ever; I remembered why instantly why he was just so irresistible. But, I didn’t feel well and I was trying to forget about him. Luckily, I avoided eye contact as my breathing returned to normal.

Two minutes later, I saw the boys returning to there seats. The Hottie saw me, smiled and walked over toward me. He helped me off the ground, picked me up and hugged me tight. As he put me down, I saw his two friends looking very uncomfortable. Understandably, they didn’t know how to react around me. The Hottie and I made flirtatious small talk about how we were doing, my face tattoo, then about his upcoming move to LA. He told me I looked great, which was nice to hear considering I felt like crap. I felt so uncomfortable. I couldn’t really talk to him with his two friends right there in front of me. I could have talked to him for hours, but knew we’d have to keep it short and casual. The Hottie asked me to come sit with them in the fourth quarter, and I told him I’d think about it, but I was only at the game with one friend and her dad, and I didn’t want to ditch her. We said good-bye, and he told me to text him.

I went back to my seat considering now my adrenaline was in high gear. Within 5 minutes, The Hottie had already texted me: “hey it was good seeing you! Watcha doing after??” I replied that I didn’t know if I would stay in Norman or go back to the city and that I may come over there in the last few minutes of the game. I didn’t. I stayed with Kirsten knowing that her cell phone was almost dead and off for the game. Reception would be terrible in Norman for the rest of the night and I didn’t want to lose her. I wanted to see Pete after, but now I wanted to see The Hottie, too. I didn’t want to play a mental game of back-and-forth between guys, but I could instantly feel the internal conflict. I decided to take things as they came. I knew that if Pete came down, I would spend time with him and leave The Hottie to his own entertainment.

The Sooners scraped by, barely, with a win. I had obviously underestimated how sick I was getting because I could barely stand up and my throat was raw. Kirsten, her dad and I walked to O’Connell’s, fought for a seat and drank several cups of water. Once I had gotten out of the sun and regulated my body temperature, I realized I burning up. I had chills and body aches, all the signs of a full-blown fever. I left the restaurant to go sleep at my friend’ house while traffic died down. Once I got there, I sent out two texts.

The first was to Pete: “I’m sorry…I’m not going out tonight. I’ve had really swollen lymph nodes all day and now I feel miserable :( I just want to go home.”

The other was to The Hottie: “It was really good to see you too. I’m not going out tonight bc I’m running a fever. If I don’t see you again before your move, good luck!!” It was the only thing I could say without telling him how I really felt about his move. I didn’t want him to leave. I didn’t want him to be with this other girl. He was, so I was dating other people and trying to get to know Pete better. But, I still had feelings for him. Big, strong, frustrating feelings

I rested at my friend’s house for a few hours before heading back to the City to go to bed. My last text message before falling asleep was from The Hottie: “Oh dang! I didn’t realize you were that sick :(. I hope I get to see you before I leave….” Perfect. In case I wasn’t confused enough….

Day 11 (September 17, 2010)

I should have trusted my instincts on this one. David was very nice, but not my type in the slightest.

I showed up five minutes late to the restaurant & sat in my car another 5. I was texting Pete. Pete knew I had this date…so maybe he was just trying to make me late. He told me to have a good time, I put my phone on silent & walked inside.

David looked older in person. At 5’10,” I knew why I was interested in taller men. His accent was thicker than dried concrete. But, he was genuine! We talked about our jobs, he acted legitimately interested when I told him about copiers and he made me laugh a little, but I knew from five minutes into the date that I wouldn’t be interested in seeing him again. He would have to be in the “friend zone.” One tallboy and a plate of nachos later, we went back to his roommate’s girlfriend’s birthday party at David’s house. His house was nice, his friends were completely enjoyable company & I held some decent conversations…but I kept remembering that I was on a date with this guy that I knew I wouldn’t care to see again. I left around 8:15 to (possibly) meet up with some friends in Norman, thus summoning the awkward walk to the car.

While I kept my physical distance to avoid having my hand held, David and I continued the small-talk that had proceeded the entire 120 minutes prior. My car was a good block away. As we approached my car I thanked him for taking me out and told him it was nice to meet him. We shared an eighth grade dance hug (don’t touch pelvises), he said “so…uhh…yeah” (this is guy-language for “I’m going to kiss you, apparently) and came in for the kill. I averted the kiss like a wet cat averts a hug, kissed his cheek and pulled away quickly. I just couldn’t do it! I got into my car, thanked him again and drove 10 mph faster than I should have in a residential neighborhood.

I ended up not going to Norman that night. I was exhausted and a little bit tipsy. I stopped at the Target a mile from David’s house so that I wouldn’t have to drive after just finishing another beer. I walked it off and bought markers, antacid, black bean salsa and cute pair of purple flats as a decoy. Pete and I were texting the whole time.

Once I felt sober, I got back in my car and drove home. I opened my new jar of black bean salsa then went straight to bed. I was too exhausted to do anything or see anyone. Hot date, huh?

Before falling asleep, I received two texts from David telling me that he had fun and would like to see me again tomorrow. I replied: “I had a nice time, too, but I really don’t feel any chemistry between us. I’m sorry. Good luck!! :o).” David thanked me for being honest returned the good luck wish.

He really was a nice guy. I felt bad because I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, but there wasn’t anything there for me…I wouldn’t have wanted for there to be something “there” for him to get his hopes up. I slept very well.

You'll have to excuse me...Day 10 (September 16, 2010)

I missed last night's post.  Grad school is tough!! Hehe...I have a really big paper due tomorrow, so I've been living in The 'Zzel since yesterday morning. I did work today, but was right back here after work.


Also, Saturday was post #100!!! Way exciting :o).


Without further ado, .......


______________________________

I woke up the next morning feeling refreshed. I looked at the clock and it read 8:09 am. Work starts at 8:00! I jumped out of bed, brushed my teeth and started getting dressed. Makeup was smeared down my face and my eyes were a little bloodshot. Once, I calmed down I remembered that it wasn’t a big deal that I could be late once in a while (my office is very relaxed). So, I took the time to straighten my hair enough to look presentable, washed my face and put in some eye drops. I got to the office by 8:40 and quickly tried to make up for some lost time.

It wasn’t happening. I couldn’t stop smiling and I couldn’t stop texting Kirsten and Angie about the night before. I had butterflies in my stomach, and I could tell I liked Pete from our initial meeting much more than I expected to. He and I texted most of the day and I couldn’t wait to see him again.

The next night was my date with David. I honestly, like with Pete, didn’t want to go. However, because the date with Pete went so well, I figured I might as well give David a chance. At worst, I would only have to spend two hours with the guy…

Day 9 (September 15, 2010)

I had a pit in my stomach from the beginning of the morning. I wasn’t excited anymore about these dates I had coming up. I thought PETE texted too much and would end up being clingy…I seriously considered bailing on coffee. Instead, I told him I had plans at 8 to put a time limit on things. I DID have plans at eight, but they were tentative.

Knowing better than to cancel, I left work 15 minutes early, fixed my hair and makeup, found something cute to wear (jeans, beaded top that makes my 32A’s look incredible & heels) and arrived at Starbuck’s at 6:02. He was standing at the sugar cart. My first impression was a good one! Tall, dark & handsome in real-life, too!

He gave me a quick getting-to-know-you side hug and I order tea. We sat in uncomfortable chairs as I kept hitting  against the wall art. We talked about our jobs and our families and our jobs…before I knew it, it was 7:45. We had completely hit it off, and I could not stop looking at his dark brown eyes. He asked bluntly what my plans were for the night, to which I replied (a barbeque). He smiled and admitted that he just wanted to know if I would give him a straight answer about where I had to be. Shyly, I confessed that I didn’t have to go to the barbeque. It was my “out,” even if it was an honest one. He smiled, understandingly. My only excuse was with a question: “What if you were terrible?” He wasn’t. He was fantastic.

We agreed the night would not be ending there, but couldn’t decide what to do. When, PETE left to run to the restroom, I pulled out my phone, and texted my two closest friends.

To Kirsten, I wrote: HOT

To Angie, I wrote: IDK if I’m coming to the bbq…holy moly hotness and adorable

We ended up at the barbeque together. Angie agreed he was attractive and I couldn’t get over how naturally he acted around me. I was completely impressed and a little surprised. We talked outside on a blanket, sometimes in groups, sometimes not, for about two hours. I didn’t want the night to end! When Angie had to run home for something, I told her we were going to head out. We hugged and she wished me luck.

Pete and I walked back to his car, talking about different hobbies and first-date stuff like that. In front of his car, mid-sentence, he changed directions completely, let out a “so…uhh…yeah” and kissed me. I kissed him back. Then, we kept kissing.

After coming up for air (it was only like 10 seconds, to be honest, but longer than the average first kiss), we drove back to Bricktown to have a few drinks. I ordered wine and he ordered a beer. Most of the rest of the night was a blur (it was a large glass of wine), but we talked at the restaurant for about an hour and then walked around town. PETE acted so natural. We held hands, kissed and walked for a long time until my feet hurt. We sat down, talked about our how each of our parents met, planned several other outings, then made-out like horny teenagers. Not one of my finer moments, but discretion was out the window after that huge glass of Cabernet.

Around midnight, we decided it was time to call it a night. Pete walked me back to my car holding my hand with the same arm draped over my shoulder. This is why I like tall guys. I wanted to be honest, so I told him I had at least one other date planned. I wasn’t going to cancel on David no matter how smitten I was after one date with Pete. We said goodnight, kissed a little more, and we were on our separate ways.

I smiled as I drove home. I found a guy and I liked him...and, I didn’t sleep with him on the first date, no matter how frisky I was feeling. Way to go, Lish!

Day 8 (September 14, 2010)

I finally messaged Grant back after this weekend. It seems like each time we message each other, it’s the same old boring thing: I’m super busy? Are you busy? Of course your busy, and neither of us realistically have time to date anyone, let alone a super busy person. Talk some more about football. Talk to you soon….

Except these messages are long and time consuming, which neither of us have time for.

So, to recap, after only a week on match.com, I had chatted extensively (and ended there) with 2 guys, messaged with three (Grant, David & Pete), had two dates coming up (David and Peter) and I could tell that Grant wanted to meet me. I wasn’t so sure about any of them, but I was excited about the possibilities!!

Day 7 (September 13, 2010)

Dave keeps making sure that I am not going to cancel on him for Friday. Do women have a habit of blowing him off?! He added me on facebook, to which I moved him to the same group as Grant. 

I went to Picasso Café in Paseo with Kirsten to study that night.  Before getting down to work, we caught up on match stuff. I showed her sexy Latino boy’s pictures, we read a heartbreaking and desperate 20-year-olds attempt for me to give him a chance (he had clear and concise essay-style arguments), and browsed through David’s facebook profile. As I looked through his pictures with Kirsten, I kind of freaked out a bit…

You know how some people look worse in pictures than in real life & others look better in pictures in real life? Well, with a range of pictures between cute & not-so-much, I wasn’t sure what to think. What if he was worse than the “not-so-much” pics? I knowwww…I’m shallow, but I’m trying to be as honest with readers as I am with myself. I just don’t see myself falling for someone that I’m not physically attracted to. And, I absolutely am not attracted to men who stand with their hips pushed forward.

Coupled with David’s profile and having a paper due the next day, I had a mild freak-out attack about how little time I have to work on a graduate degree while working full time and dating…my stress was elevating and I was concerned that joining a dating site was an absolutely terrible idea.

Day 6 (September 12, 2010)

Hungover.  So hungover that I got annoyed when Dave kept texting when I told him I was super hungover. Ughhhhh.

Oddly enough, I didn’t get annoyed with Pete texted me that night…I was trying to finish a paper when the first text came through. Wait. Backup.

Pete and I did message back and forth all day through match.com.  We agreed to have coffee on Wednesday and I gave him my phone number. I was definitely interested in meeting him because he seemed like a legitimately nice person, though I had never been attracted to latino man before.

Back to where we were…. He texted four messages at a time (making my phone create lots of dings over and over again), but his flirty attitude and compilimentary style made it worth the extra noise.

I went to bed feeling a little giddy…

(P.S. I also found my friend Mike on match today! He was in my Top 5 for recommendations of guys who are looking for girls like me.  He messaged me, gave me crap for how drunk I was the night before, and we laughed it off.  Mike is not my type at all, but I appreciated that he messaged me instead of awkwardly ignoring that we are both on a dating site).

Day 5 (September 11, 2010)

GAMEDAY!!!! Not much activity today. I was in Norman pretty much all day, drinking absolutely way too much alcohol (this was literally one of the drunkest I’d ever been...it was embarrassing), and a little bit of texting Dave from Tucson.

However, before leaving for Norman, I did send Pete another message.  His vocabulary was outstanding, though he was born in Ecuador and grew up in Peru. He went to college in Canada and was in the U.S. Air Force while working on a master’s degree in finance at OU through the Advanced Programs (meant for military personnel and held as night and weekend classes).

Day 4 (September 10, 2010)

I had trouble sleeping and woke up around 3:30 in the morning. Since I fell asleep with my laptop in bed, I decided to check match/facebook/twitter. (Sidebar: this is why I usually don’t keep my laptop in my bedroom…it’s like I sleepwalk/internet surf without even realizing it).

I had a new message from someone very attractive. All it said was “Wow…you are beautiful.” He was tall, dark, handsome, in-shape, Latino, and the list went on and on and on.

I responded, very honestly, that he was the first person on match that made my jaw drop. Nervous about my response, I tried to go back to sleep.

I woke back up, went to work, happened to check my match.com app on iphone, and saw his response. He was very conversational, sweet, charming and all around a pretty decent guy. His name was Pete, by the way. It was at this time, 3 hours before my deadline, that I decided to subscribe/pay for a one-month membership to match.com.

Day 3 (September 9, 2010)

Grant & I emailed back and forth for two days. I ended up letting him add me on facebook because I was still planning on deleting my account after the third day. To be safe, I put him in a restricted group that didn’t give him very much information about me.

About forty other emails and too many winks came my way. I realized that this could be very time consuming and end up producing…well…no results other than meet a nice guy that I wasn’t all that interested in.

Guy 1 from chatting the night before creepily found me on facebook.  I told him my first name and BAM there was a message. I sent him a message back on match, told him I was absolutely not interested, then blocked him.

Creepy.

As it was the last day of my free trial, I was fully prepared to end it all and walk away.

I was at Kirsten’s (dying her hair) when I saw a message from a guy that was average looking, but said he was from Tucson. My favorite sister-like cousin lives in Tucson with her four beautiful kiddos, so right off the bat we had something in common.  We started an instant message conversation on match.com and he seemed really really nice! He asked if I would like to go out sometime next week, I said yes, and just like that I was scheduled for my first match.com date. I gave him my phone number to get in touch with me later next week, since I told him it was the last day of my trial. Then I remembered that I didn’t know his name. After he texted me, I asked. Dave.

Day 2 (September 8, 2010)

Wednesday nights are usually a great night for me.  It’s the middle of the week, I have no class & I get to enjoy a little time to myself to take care of what I need to. I had an assignment due the next night for a class, so I parked my butt in bed to get it done.

True to form, I looked for a way to distract myself (this is why I don’t usually study at home).  A few guys messaged me that night on match, which varied from guy to guy. Two were notable. Others were blown off pretty instantly.

Let’s preface that I don’t want to sound hateful about these guys.  I have a type and I am super-picky, like I’ve already said. When it comes to my dating life, I am allowed to be picky…I’m also allowed to blow people off without a second consideration for superficial reasons.

Guy 1: loves basketball, a little extra to “love,” ready to settle down.  Not attractive, but thinks he’s hot stuff. Extremely complimentary, maybe a little too much? Would not stop messaging until I replied.

Guy 2: 22. Tall. Skinny….not like I’m-kinda-into-skinny-guys skinny, but you-need-eat-and-stop-being-so-emo skinny.

Guy 1 was pushy, wouldn’t get the hint when I told him I was too busy to chat, and added me as a favorite. I figured ignoring him would be the best option

Guy 2 was so so so nice, but not at all my type.  We did chat for about 2 hours, but he was instantly in the friend zone.

The biggest problem with both of these guys was age.  I don’t want to date someone my age or younger because I can’t go through more of the “I’m 23 and going to have a maturity meltdown” again. I know it’s not fair of me to put all early-twenties men in that category, but too bad. Plenty of women discriminate against all men because of their exes, so I see no problem with me doing that either.

Still messaging Grant some, but I don’t know if I’m more excited about the idea of him or the idea of just talking to someone I MAY be interested in.

Day 1 (September 7, 2010)

Of course, I was extremely busy because it was a Tuesday. I had gotten only a couple of hours of sleep, worked all day & had class at night.  I got home from class, exhausted, and checked for any miracle men/messages.  There were a few messages, but nothing to really perk my interest.

I was certain that I would delete everything before the trial was up.

(Kind of a boring first day, huh?...just wait ;o)...)

Day 0 (September 6, 2010)

After three very long nights of drinking over Labor Day weekend, I arrived back in Oklahoma City with a hangover, a stomach full of Jack in the Box tacos and the desire to vegg-out all day. Unfortunately, I had a paper to write for one of my graduate courses that was due the next morning before noon.


I proceeded to lay in bed for a good fourteen hours wanting to focus on A-N-Y-THING other than that paper. I took a peek at my Gmail inbox for the first time all weekend and found something to do! I looked at the profiles of each and every guy who sent a message, “wink,” or marked his self as “interested.” I didn’t see anything that would actually blow my mind away, but I couldn’t actually READ the emails either….not unless I paid. It was like putting a pitcher of beer in front of a college freshman and telling him “No.”

I couldn’t handle it. I figured I would cash in a free 72-hours and go from there, but I had to read those emails. I signed up and read away!! Fourteen emails later, I didn’t know why I even bothered.

Around 7:00 p.m., however, I got a message from someone new: GrantD9832. He was pretty cute & seemed to fit all of the criteria.

He wrote: So I just joined tonight…I don’t really know how this works. Does a wink mean you’re interested? Anyway, I winked. Hope you had a good Labor Day weekend!

He was cute, and I only had 72 hours. Well, more like 68 at this point. I sent him a message back.

I replied back: This whole online thing is completely foreign to me too. I figured I might as well give it a shot! I don't really understand the winking either...My weekend was fun and a little crazy...right now I'm SUPPOSED to be working on a research paper for my master's program, but I'd rather just enjoy this last little bit of freedom before getting ready for the week. How was yours?

Done.

That wasn’t too bad.

Day -3 (September 3, 2010)

I slowly started adding some more information about myself, and I started looking around the profiles of different guys that could fit my criteria. They must be 24-30, within 25 miles of OKC, over 6’0” & athletic. I do realize I’m picky. Judge me, if you must.

Then, I did the unthinkable. Even though it was still a free account, I added three pictures of myself. I had no idea what to expect, but I went for it. I packed away my laptop & headed to Norman for the weekend.

Day -6 (August 31, 2010)

Surprisingly, I didn’t give up hope after puking in my mouth from the online hook-up site. I signed up for match.com with a free account to ease my way into it. I put up very little information and no pictures. All I wanted, at this point, was to look around and see what I saw. It was harmless, and I wasn’t feeling mentally molested without pictures up.

So far, so good.

Day -7 (August 30, 2010)

After a year of being single, I’d had enough. I’d had the awkward one-night stand, the stage-five clinger and the Hottie whom I actually fallen for…all of this not counting all of the ridiculous drama with the Ex. I never liked being single…though I had been for the greater part of my life. One (nearly) three-year relationship later, I knew I would never be good at being single again: I enjoyed being in a relationship too much. I loved the constant sex, the chemistry one has with their partner, those certain “isms” that only they two people share, the comfort…and I honestly enjoy taking care of people in whatever capacity I can.

I was more single than I’d ever been. I was tied to no one…and I’d been playing with fire with the Hottie, who was now in a long distance relationship. Needing something to get my mind off of him (& my nineteen-week bout of celibacy), I did what I never thought I would do: I joined a dating site.

A dating site is an overstatement. This one was free…completely free. Free (read: cheap) didn’t exactly produce desirable results. I created an account, added a picture and nothing else, then walked away. Two and a half hours later, spent at dinner with my friends, I made the mistake of looking at my phone. My Gmail account was flooded with forty-two emails from the horniest dudes OKC has to offer. I read each and every one of them….and I was disgusted. Entertained, but disgusted. Most were straightforward, to say the least, about what they wanted. Hint: it wasn’t a legitimate relationship or a lifelong partner.

I deleted my account before falling asleep that night.